Saturday, December 2nd, 2017
What a Difference 567 Words Make
—When you want something that you believe, it feels good. But when you have a desire that you doubt, then that desire does not feel good because the vibrational content of your desire and the vibrational content of your belief does not match. Negative emotion is simply present when you are thinking in opposition to your own desire—
This quote is from Abraham who is channeled by Esther Hicks. I can hardly stand to read it. I have been in a kind of creative crisis and it makes me jittery to my very foundation.. I can’t find my true north. I just wrote about my scattered soul that I need to regather and heal. Out the words came, blop,blop, blop. Truth is knocking at my door.
I’m trying to market/sell a book that now lags behind where I am. I feel false when I ask people to buy or sell it. It’s not that good a book. It doesn’t carry the power of a strong true point of view. It is a very good representation of a shy, awkward, sometimes whiney (and I despise whining) voice. I PRAY ANYWAY: Devotions for the Ambivalent is like the first pancake testing the grill pan. It took bravery to write and share. It gave some comfort and laughter and permission to be real and to try prayer on for size. Nothing wrong with that. In fact, lots right with that.
But back to the Abraham quote. In some way, I am thinking in opposition to my own desire. Desire is the engine, thinking is the execution. What do I want? I’ll experiment out loud to see what I hear. I used to have clients do this all the time. I would ask them to list 20 or so ‘wants’ as fast as they could, then I would ask for five more.
I want the book to become exciting for people, I want it to create conversations. I want prayer to become a viable power and to validate its work. I want to let people know I am NOT ambivalent about praying. I am ambivalent about organized religion and any one group owning the truth. I want clients who are spiritual pioneers who want to experiment with prayer and the invisible energies of love and hope and creativity and optimism and gratitude. I want to develope the discipline of the hard core of love–doing it and being it. I want to publish a Playbook for people to use to make their own spiritual pioneer group, I want to publish a year of reflections for 2019 that are different from the first I PRAY ANYWAY, that show a different stage. I want to give comfort and direction to people to be bolder and braver in how they love and give. And I want to take the book out of the arena of marketing to sell to the book to the market of spurring ideas about goodness. The end.
Nope, Give me five more: I want to work easily. I want to be technologically adept for my work. I want to talk and laugh on screen with people. I want my work to be joy. I want to spread joy.