Monday, May 4th, 2015
WHY THIS DISCONTENT, THIS HUNGER?
Don’t ask me! I do get sick and tired of it.
I do think it is a soul thing.
If I give up my more than intellectual interest in prayer and spiritual life, I am relieved for a while. “Good, now I know who I am and where I stand.” I want to be a good person and let it go at that. Then the discontent starts. How to explain it? My life is good and yet not right. That’s the feeling. So then,
I turn to my devotional practice which gets me more crazy. So many points of view. I can find peace if I choose one path, one book, one culture, but only for a while. Soon I disrespect myself as a dilettante. So I give up. Then discontent and hunger grow again. Back to devotions. I mean it when I say, “I pray anyway”. “Anyway” is the operative word. In spite of discontent, contentment, good happening, bad happenings, I pray “anyway”. It’s an experiment that needs good protocol. That’s what my devotions are–the protocol to see the result of a constant kind of prayer.