Monday, December 4th, 2017

Back When Time Existed

—I remember when there was enough time. You had it. You used it. Sometimes you even wished there wasn’t so much of it to spend. Now it is a scarce commodity, You can’t get enough of it. You wonder where it’s gone. You are anxious that you won’t be able to get your share. Time may be gone and you missed the sale. You know you misspend time and pledge to buy and spend your time better. But the clock always ticks and you wonder where time has gone—

Sound familiar or am I the only one who misses when time existed? The holidays make me feel the difference. I remember (back when there was time) savoring each holiday card I wrote. I liked wrapping presents and ‘took my time’. I spent time making and painting elaborate clothes pin ornaments with no thought that I should be doing something else and no ‘to do’ list ruining my moment.

When I worked full time with five kids and a husband who saw clients at night, I still had time to cook and sew and decorate and go out to stores to buy presents. I took my time. I was tired but not running out of time. When did my time start to evaporate in front of me?

The last time I had time was in a wind storm and I had no electricity for two days. I could feel the burden of not enough time lift. I felt peace. I felt able to concentrate. I felt my body exhale and drop all it had been carrying. I knew there was plenty of time. I spent my time reading and mulling and staring into candle light. When the electricity came back on I felt a surge of time to get going, to hurry. Time to get going.

Is it the Internet? Is it the constant contact of the world? Is it anxiety about the world lasting? is it too much stimulation? Is it aging? Is it being Type A? Where does the time go? Who knows where the time goes? I miss it.

 

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