Sunday, November 2nd, 2014

I’M IN A SUGAR HIGH/COMA!!

And I like it. Toosie Pop glory. From Halloween!!
I remember when candy was just fun and you had it whenever you could.
Yes, you had to brush your teeth, but you didn’t think it would wreck your life and hormones.  

There was some kind of deal when I went to the movies in grade school that you could get six candy bars for the price of five.  Peppermint Patties that were the size of a hockey puck, (Yes, all candy bars are smaller) Chuckles that defined you as a “red” fan or a “black” fan which means you saved those for last.  A huge Charms sucker that left the roof of your mouth raw. A Peanuts Planters bar that you had to suck into submission.  A Butterfinger bar that crumbled dry and then formed into cement in your teeth. Buttery good cement. And saved for last and the end of the movie IF you had good pacing was the Heath Bar, which was a bar not a chip like it is today. 

There was an art to making each goodie last as long as possible.
You either bit each ridge of the Chuckle off one by one or held it in your mouth til it was slippery and had to be swallowed.  It would be so awful if you suddenly gobbled or bit too soon.  

Now I worry about sugar, grains, meat, pesticide on fruits, lifeless veggies,
bad ol dairy.  I am nostalgic for Jello and Pop-Up biscuits and mushroom soup used on everything for sauce. No one was fat. They were heavy set.  

Hell with it.  I’m going to make a retro dinner.
Iceberg lettuce with Russian Dressing–mayo, ketchup, sweet pickle relish
Or Perfection salad–shredded cabbage and carrots in orange Jello.
Canned corned beef hash as filling for Pop-Up pin wheel rolls with (what else?
mushroom soup gravy.
Canned green beans with tons of butter.
And–Butterscotch Ripple ice cream for desert.
Or canned Mandarin oranges with miniature marshmallows and shredded coconut and Cool Whip!  

What will my grandchildren yearn for?
Kale chips?
Fruit gel?
Omnipresent granola? (the word makes me gag)
Hummus!!!
Gluten free, dairy free, sugar free, SIN free treats.

I made everyone in a small Starbucks laugh long and hard when I ordered and said, “Please give me a vanilla latte and hold everything good”  Everyone knew I meant sugar free, caffein free, dairy free pretend latte!!


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