Monday, July 22nd, 2013


And it’s not so bad.
The earth has not swallowed me up.
I have not been shunned from human kind

Whether from heat or grief from the death of my brother or pure exhaustion from too many major events in a short time, I have been living from a new place.

My mantra has been “I don’t care.”
It’s been oddly exhilarating.  And, certainly,  liberating.

We had an out of town guest this week.
Didn’t grocery shop ahead of time.
Didn’t cook.  We ate out every meal.
Didn’t “entertain” him.  Talked when I wanted.  Left the room when I didn’t feel like talking.

Adult kids came to visit.  (I am a foodie and family equals food to me.)
I eked out one meal.  No snacks in the house.  
Someone asked about dessert–I suggested the local ice cream hut.

I read a little. Mostly magazine articles.
No purpose just meandering through some distracting words.

I did great “work” with my coaching clients because they had to do all the work.
I couldn’t/wouldn’t.  Too lazy to cancel appointments.

I didn’t read email or text.
Too much contact. 

I sat and enjoyed sitting.
I liked my own company best.

Most interesting, I didn’t need words–to talk, to read or to write.

Depression?  Wisdom?
Don’t know.
But it has been good practice for detachment.
Not making it happen but letting it happen.
I can feel the lists beginning to form.
I can feel new energy building so living in this indifferent place won’t last much longer.
But I will remember it fondly.

Someone once said to me, “In life you are either sinking or swimming.”
I hated the concept then.  I hate it now.
I am so not going to sink or swim.
I’m going to float for a while.


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