Sunday, July 12th, 2015


—-To the same person!!!  That is a quote from a famous family therapist whose name I can’t remember—so much for fame.  He said it to me and I was enraged and, oh so, innocent and young.  Not so young or innocent anymore and more amused than enraged.

He is talking about the eras and stages of any marriage that stays vital and allows for two strong and different people.  For better or for worse, I have one of those. So as we grow and bring new aspects into our individual lives, it almost always irritates the hell out of the other person. We are in a state of continuous adaptation without subjugation. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, move on. I’ll be here next week. Not everyone wants or can tolerate this type of marriage. Two strong I’s and one strong WE is the goal.

Anyway, when one person throws the relationship equilibrium out of sync, there is usually a period of irritation followed by negotiation and then a new normal.
This can take a year or a day depending on the depth of the change. “I want to sleep on the other side of the bed” may take a couple of days. “I want to change careers” is a whole other animal.
Why am I talking about this?
ONE is because I think my husband and I have graduated into a new stage after about five months of bickering, then real talks, then real negotiation, then resolution. It takes a willingness to stay in strong disagreement without turning every moment go to hell. In a long term marriage, there is experience that this canl happen so the intensity level doesn’t have to go as high. Doesn’t HAVE to. Still may. Quick recovery is the key. And I think we are through another narrow passage.

TWO is because he has just published five books on relationship stuff that has helped us to be married at least seven times to one another.

Here they are:
Starting Right
Marriage Conflict
Intimate Marriage
Talking Together
Healing A Marriage

All the books are clear and wise and real.  Go to Amazon under David E Sanford.
We are in a new stage because he is not glued to his computer.
But to laugh, I am working on several books and want to be glued to mine!!
That’s what I mean about making room for two people in one marriage.


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