Monday, March 11th, 2013
MARRIAGE IS MORE COMPLEX THAN THE ADVICE ABOUT IT
I just quit holding my new granddaughter for three hours while she snoozed and squeaked and
snorted and contorted and I’m telling you it knocked the words out of me.
It is a wordless bliss that just doesn’t demand blah blah blah. Just being. Well and burping. And pooping. I have seen all of my daughters go into the baby trance that makes linear thought harder than the first sit-up after giving birth.
BUT I am going to wrap some words around the fuzz in my head because I said I would come back to the marriage advice I avoided two blogs ago. Right. Mmmm. What WAS that about? OK. I got it. My husband and I were at dinner with our daughter and her love for our hard won 29th Wedding Anniversary and we discussed it at dinner. Rules? Three ideas a piece. One sentence each.
OK. Well alright. Here I go. I’m in an anti-glib moment so I’m hesitating. Let’s hear it for Ben Affleck. “Marriage is work. And it is good work.” Some of the time. Sometimes it’s just hard work.
That’s my disclaimer in case the ideas below sound glib. They are so not.
l. Get back to love as soon as you can or better yet, before you can.
2. Each person is responsible for their own happiness.
3. Start with God and get that relationship right first.
4. Also take responsibility for your own craziness and know that you have your own craziness.
5. Take the trouble to learn what to expect in a marriage BEFORE you marry so that you are ready for
6. Stay curious about one another. Ask real questions of your partner
7. Know how to manage your fights, say your truth, lick your wounds, reach out and kiss and make-up
8. Stay connected physically–all kinds of touch.
9. Be friends
Bonus: Patience, patience, patience–said in jest but we all nodded vigorously in agreement.
There! Promise kept.