Monday, June 24th, 2013

“NO YOU CAN’T HURRY SAD—

My daughter in-law, who has had several deaths touch her personally in the last few weeks said, “I’m tired of being sad.”

I liked it because it assumed that “sad” isn’t something you control, or ignore or pretend away.  And it IS something you do get tired of.

We are a culture based on the pursuit of happiness. Literally.  Pursue away, I say.  Grab  big chunks of it. But don’t feel obligated to fake it.  Allow room for sadness when it is there.  Allow happiness and sorrow to mix.  Don’t push them into “either/or” positions.

Even as I started to write this, I was trying to choose between happiness and sorrow, joy and sadness. Which sad story will I tell?  No, you are tired of sadness, I’ll tell the happy story.

My brother may be in the last week of his life.  Sad?
All my kids and grandchildren are coming for a week starting this Friday.  Happy?

Both events have elements of sorrow and joy.
One is not only sad and the other only happy.

Our family visits make us appreciate our kids more and we get sad after.
My brother has had one of the truest love marriages I’ve experienced.  How happy is that?  And sad to lose it through death. No.  Happy for it anyway.

Stretching  for happiness that isn’t there is sad.
Let sorrow take the time it needs.
And get tired of it when you are ready.

You can’t hurry sad and you can’t manufacture happy.

I live within the extremes of both right now.


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