Monday, January 19th, 2015


My husband went to visit on of our adult kids for a long week-end.
I decided to give myself what I say I long for.
I cancelled any obligations I had and settled.

Turns out I actually want what I long to have.
But it sounds easier than it is to make happen in our culture.

First, it took lots of calendar juggling to create the free space.
Second, I had to calm my “get things done” inner junkie and not use the time to do a major household task.
Third I had to be more conscious about what to do with the emptiness.

I decided to read without purpose, to sit and think.
I set up in  front of the fireplace shifting my favorite chair to face it.
And i made the bedroom zen like and put white lights on a four foot grapefruit tree plant (planted with the seed of a grapefruit from the birth of my first baby–ahhhh)  I love it. 

I think I most enjoyed quiet mornings with no talk and I’ll make this happen more often.  It was a gentle way to begin a day.
It takes awhile to settle into solitude so the truest day was Saturday.  
I read two books. The phone did not ring. No television. No online. Books, me, coffee, fire. I read a memoir, LITTLE HEATHENS, that could have been written my my mom about childhood on an Iowa farm. Perfect. Then I blew it.  I decided to read GONE GIRL for the fun of it. Fine. Except that I had already read it before it became what it is AND didn’t realize it soon enough. I wont’ say more.  No spoiler here.

Sunday I began to have the end of vacation heebie-jeebies because I had invited my daughter and family to watch football. Discipline slippage.  Thought I’d be ready for people. And I mostly was. I had a slow simmer of cabin fever going.

And now Monday comes with a flood of the undone.
I leave soon to pick up my husband and my everyday life.

We are one crazy busy culture.  Sequester for three days and find your own speed again–the one that doesn’t adjust to demand from the outside.


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